Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize