she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This baby is an asshole
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
