Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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