Betty ford says i'm here all night
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize