Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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