I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
