Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he thought i was a dude.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
