I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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