what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My penis needs a shock collar
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
