I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
