I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
