the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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