my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
