I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
