my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
