I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
