Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
