'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
