i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize