I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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