I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
