I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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