happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need water and some morals
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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