I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
