So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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