...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
