I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
