you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
