my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
