this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
