Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
