1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
