I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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