My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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