"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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