I need help removing her.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize