im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
