why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
