There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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