I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
