Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
