make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
