O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
are you so shy because you have an std?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize