walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
