Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
