Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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