she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
