i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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