you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
