ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
