YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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