She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize