guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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