I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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