just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dignity is for republicans.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
