My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize