god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
