Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i barfeds in our rink
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
