): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
