went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize