I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
