I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
