They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
