I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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