More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We are all done wearing pants today
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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