I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the day after is always just damage control
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
