I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize