I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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