cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Randomize
