who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the day after is always just damage control
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
