Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
