Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
