I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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