The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Help. Why am I so naked?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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