3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize