The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
