Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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