Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
