For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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