you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He passed out mid-signature
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
