it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize