Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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