I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
