i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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