So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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