In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
