it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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