This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
