Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
