She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
