Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
