just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize