he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
