Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
