There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I believe in your delicious
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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