He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The Olympian is in my bed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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