strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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