Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
