i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
