Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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