Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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