So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
