I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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