It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
